It’s not what you’d expect
Dogs on September 14, 2010 by FiiNix
- Approval of credit line at local pet store.
- Demonstration of willingness to share home with dog by moving into a landfill for six months.
- Have all furniture replaced with durable cinder blocks.
- New poodle owners must agree to not give the dog a poofy hair style.
- Potential master must acknowledge that a Great Dane can be a lap dog.
- Prospective adopters of Jack Russell Terriers must score at least 120 on a Stanford-Binet intelligence test.
- Screening out psychically harmful family names such as Katz.
- The Dog has the right to inspect your leg for overall attractiveness and hump-a-bility.
- Timed test to see how long it takes you to find The Spot on your prospective dog’s belly.
- Verify that adopting family has an ample supply of Frisbees.
- Sign away any rights to a hair-free environment.
- Two weeks of primal howl therapy.
- As soon as you walk in the door for your adoption interview one staffer jumps on you and knocks you down, a second pees on your briefcase, and a third hits you repeatedly in the groin with a wet sponge mop.
- Men must sever relations with their best friends as a gesture of good faith.
- Certified letter from a qualified plumber attesting to potability of your home’s toilet water supply.
- Realization that you can’t have dignity and pick up poo at the same time.
- Owner must sign a Statement of Intention Regarding My Testicles.
- Submission of crotch aroma samples from family members for compatibility testing.
- Psychological profiling to eliminate latent “cat-person” personality types.
- And the Number 1 Least Known Step in the Dog Adoption Process… If he has papers, make sure he knows how to go on them.
Uncategorized on May 14, 2009 by FiiNix
Squirrels were eating bird seed, so vaseline was put on the bird feeder line.
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